Tuesday, March 17, 2009

LAZARUS

My God, this poor little blog has been abandoned since last October! How disgraceful. I really MUST do better.
A very brief update - my youngest daughter, Tarynne, has been living with her dad since we split up almost 4 years ago. A lot could be said about that, perhaps another time. Anyways, she moved her boyfriend, Graeme in with her and all was fine and hunky dory until they both lost their jobs, just before the ex flew to S. Africa to marry for 3rd time. (After quickie divorce that I so nicely agreed to.)
Ex returns to Oz in February after long and lavish honeymoon in the Kruger National Park, wife in tow. It seems, going by reports passed on to me by my 3 kids, that the new wife has completely changed their father into someone completely unrecognisable to all and sundry - and not in a good way!
She is 20 years younger than he and was once a very large gal who lost a whole shebang of weight (good for her!) Immediately prior to the flight to Perth she had (she brags) $20,0000 of plastic surgery. I have no difficulty with anyone wanting to have cosmetic surgery, although I personally could not be fussed, but it is a bit difficult to swallow the ex's "poor me" story when that sort of money has been splashed around on lavish long honeymoons (including her 3 kids), getting new breasts, and a tummy tuck as well as financially supporting her adult non working daughter in S Africe plus her 2 teenaged sons recently expelled from school for dope smoking and bringing all of them plus mother-in-law out to Oz to live with them in a couple of months.
So, a few days after arriving, new wife convinces ex to boot the boyfriend out of the house and takes possession of Tarynne's bedroom. They come to me (living on an invalid pension) and beg for room and board while they look for their own place and new jobs. I agree, as I see how keen they are to sort themselves out. Not to go into too much detail, but for the last 3 weeks I have extended every help I could to the young couple, including financial assistance and they finally moved out today. Graeme has landed himself a great job in the mines paying about $2,200 per week - so they are planning to get married in about 18months and buy a house,and of course, pay me back. That's great news and they were as helpful as they could be around the house, I had no problem. I guess it's just the extra washing, cooking, tidying, etc that seems to be a drain on my thin reserves of energy. To complicate matters, my eldest daughter, Nat, is 11 weeks into her third pregnancy and almost bedridden with sickness this time, so I have been having her two little boys quite frequently. I worship and adore them, but they can take it out of y ou - especially when they love horsey rides around the house and will only accept me doing everything for them. (A rod I made for my own back, I know.)
Anyway, what prompted me to write this journal entry was the most hilarious experience I have had in a very long time. Helping daughter and boyfriend move out today, we hired a 3 tonne truck (I drove it and didn't kill anyone) and went to collect items like their bed from ex's house. Ex was having a "day off" (most uncharacteristic in my experience) and to fill in a bit of background on new wife, it seems that she is a) very fond of showing all and sundry the surgery handiwork on her new breasts, b) seems to have genetically inherited unfortunately humungous hips that cannot be dieted away, c) prefers not to wear underwear and makes sure that people become aware of this fact and d) is obsessed with sex in the way 14 year olds think they discovered it all by themselves.
So we rock up there (me, Tarynne and Graeme) and there they are lovingly displayed on the sofa, perusing the laptop computer at 12:15p.m. in their nightwear. He has his green silk boxers (that I bought him about 25 years ago) and she has an enormous, but short T shirt on. Tarynne introduced me and I was appropriately pleasant. 19 seconds later, ex decides to introduce me again to new wife. At least I can take small comfort in the fact that he is still deaf and/or prematurely senile. I asked ex if he was having day off work, he barked back that he was. Oh, I said innocently, what are you guys up to today, then. Well, he gruffs, we have got some things to do today. How enlightening!
But not nearly so enlightening as the first class view I was given up Allison's T shirt. I reckon I could see everything she had for breakfast 6 months ago. Not a pretty sight. She seemed fairly quiet and did not move off the sofa for the whole hour I was there. Apparently she's normally quite gregarious and loud mouthed. Perhaps intimidated? Anyway, thinking that I wasn't going to be stupid and childish about this situation, as we left I stepped right up to her, proffering my right hand. I smiled broadly and looked her straight in the eyes and said how lovely it was to meet her and no doubt I would catch up with her again. She was forced to lurch up from the sofa and I got a glimpse of the hips from hell. Poor girl, they really are totally disproportionate to the rest of her.
Of course, I completely resisted the urge to be at all bitchy during the whole experience. Although I do recall that every time I was walking in their view with my back to them, I lifted my top and hitched up my denim shorts that have an annoying habit of constantly slipping because my hips are very small. No, I think I was completely subtle and a lady at all times.

2 comments:

Magpie's Mumblings said...

Welcome back (missed you!). However, I have to be truthful and tell you that I laughed. You just go right ahead and show off those little hips girl, cause in my humble opinion you have a right!

CAROLYN said...

Hi, just happened to pop across today for the first time ever and see that you've posted today so I guess that's lucky for me! Just wanted to say I guess we all have unwanted baggage of some sort or another and I think you handled it all pretty well and came away with the upper hand so good for you!
Have a great week!